so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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