Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize