Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
