Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize