but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
