Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
