the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
