Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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