If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
