My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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