my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Be still, my beating vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
