Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
