i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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