Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
