This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
