The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
