He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
