hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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