Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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