she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
