Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
