dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
