The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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