Soap is not a condiment
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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