I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
