Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
