I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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