So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
