In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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