he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
