I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
