Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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