if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
