im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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