he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
