Jerry, you need to find god
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
