In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
