The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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