She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize