holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
