The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
