It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
