My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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