They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
