Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
