you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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