I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
