yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
