PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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