Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
