wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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