You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
