new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
