She's JV to your varsity
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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