becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
