I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Terrible idea I love it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
