Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I enjoy the company of your penis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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