I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
