The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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