Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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