I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're a waste of cheezeits
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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