I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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